Why am I not dead yet

Today-
I made my sister hate me-
for being such a burden to family-
and made a fool out of me.

Why am I not dead yet?

Yesterdays-
I broke so many hearts-
making them feel hopeless-
with my foolish starts.

Why am I not dead yet?

I feel so torn apart-
for being myself-
feeling every single cut-
that wounded me so hard.

Still-

Why am I not dead yet?

I don't know.